My Mission
Have I always known who I am? No.
I was raised to be a good boy. All my life, I have looked at women as amazing creatures who should be respected and revered. Having been instilled with the importance of equality, understanding, and compassion while I was growing up, I treated every one of my girlfriends as anyone with these ideals would. I was (and still am) caring and kind, loving and lustful. But I wasn’t happy; I was bored. No matter how many times I tried, my relationships eventually became tired and predictable. The the idea of being with one other person and only one other person for the rest of my life, well, that kind of sounded depressing. For me, at least, monogamy just wasn't appealing anymore.
And there was something else: I have always had an urge to be rougher and more aggressive than I needed to be in bed. Sometimes, I would hear comments like, "You were fucking me like you were punishing me for something."
I kept those urges to myself for most of my twenties but, after ending my nearly decade-long monogamous relationship in the summer of 2012, I decided I would never settle again. I would do what I wanted to do, what I thought would make me happy, and if others wanted to come along for the ride, then company was always welcome. I started saying, "Everything is worth doing," and "There are no problems, just interesting things that happen."
My life got very busy and I started to understand what “learning to love oneself” really meant. After meeting an energetic girl who was an open bisexual switch, my life was changed forever. I started to do research and learned a plethora of words, acts, and labels that I didn't know existed - the floodgates had opened. I started hearing comments like "You're just the right combination of pain and pleasure". Each new subject was another topic for research, exploration, connection, and growth. I was hooked, and if I was bored in vanilla relationships before, there was no way I was going to be satisfied with one now: I knew there were people out there who also enjoyed the things I liked to do, lots of them! People I could be completely open and honest with, and people who would do the same!
As I educated myself, the vast pallet of sexualities, preferences, and relationships I witnessed emboldened me to become incrementally more honest with myself and, in turn, the individuals I choose to share my life with. While I may be exploring forms of sexuality and relationships that are often stigmatized, I’m still the “good boy”: respectful, accepting, and attentive. Only now I have the skills, experience, and confidence to be the kind of lover that others are drawn to.
Many people have unspoken desires of some kind, and it is my firm belief that sharing these thoughts, good or bad, with your partner(s) will leave you a happier and more satisfied person. How can one person please another without knowing who the other person truly is? I have completely accepted that my not being happy in past relationships was my fault for not sharing all of my thoughts and desires with the other person, no matter how dark; and if that person could not deal with the information, then we were not meant to be. These realizations have led me to live a more meaningful life.
So, have I figured out who I am yet? Doubtful, but the journey so far has been immeasurably enjoyable. The concept of "knowing oneself" is beautiful, but I also think you can only stop and decide who you are at that particular moment; we are constantly evolving. We are creatures of change, and embracing this has made me develop into a much stronger person. I am exceptionally happy, and have more love in my life than ever before.
This is what led me here. Though the terminology used to describe non-traditional relationships is subjective at best, at the time of this writing I currently have four ‘partners’ that I see regularly, and numerous ‘lovers’ outside of this. I am living in downtown Toronto with two great roommates. I am full of love and happiness -- so full, in fact, that the people around me have noticed and suggested I share it with others. It is with this in mind that I started Authentic Connections, the mission of which is to share what I have learned with all of you!