What Would James Bond Do?
One of the hardest things to overcome when dealing with dating, sex, and relationships is self-doubt. We all struggle with it, and it can be devastating; however, as you develop your self-confidence and gain experience, it becomes less of an issue. There is a lot of advice out there on how to overcome self-doubt. What works for me is a catch-all mantra: “What Would James Bond Do?” It can be applied to nearly any situation -- from picking out a shirt to phrasing constructive criticism to approaching someone at a bar
James Bond is confident, unapologetic, and always in control. Even if you take the secret-agent-and-millionaire bit out of the equation, he remains the epitome of class and desirability. He is often not the most attractive man in the room (as shown by the actors who have been cast as Bond over the years), but that's not what women are attracted to. It is the way he carries himself that is so magnetic.
Let’s first look at his clothes. James Bond doesn't need to 'peacock' (a term used in the pickup community meaning 'flashy dress’). Most people think of him in a tux, and while he does spend a lot of time in one, he doesn’t need formal wear to look good. The one consistent thing you will notice about his wardrobe is the lack of images, labels, slogans, or anything else that might draw attention away from his personality. His clothes are precisely tailored and fashionable, but not trendy. Granted, he is infinitely wealthy and we aren't, but buying clothes that fit and are not sporting big flaming skulls can be done on a budget.
Shop with someone whose fashion sense is obviously in good shape. If you are not confident in your decisions when purchasing clothing, you will never feel confident in them. So do whatever it takes to make you feel good about your purchase. It might be worth investing in a decent blazer that makes you feel great, or a shirt that shows off your best features. However you choose these clothes, the important thing is that you are not worried about how you look. If you asked yourself, “Would James Bond wear this?” and the answer is "yes", chances are you look good!
Bond's unapologetic and confident demeanor saturates his personality. If you find yourself at a loss for words during a conversation, let WWJBD cross your mind. Would he make excuses, or try to avoid the difficult issues? No -- he owns his mistakes (granted, he makes very few), efficiently cuts through the bullshit, and gets things done. This direct, bold, and honest approach to making real connections will save you time, and others will view you as someone who is assertive, in control, and respectful of their time. After truly internalizing this state of mind, I developed a much stronger sense of trust with those in my life. Ambiguity leaves room for misunderstandings, confusion, doubt, and hurt feelings. This is only amplified if you are being evasive with someone else who is doing the same. People stop questioning your intentions when you start vocalizing them rather than trying to hint your way there.
Relating to James can be difficult. We are not infinitely wealthy international spies, and of course we think that if we were, none of this would be an issue; however, anyone can learn how to inspect themselves and the interactions in which they felt like their downfall was lack of confidence. Could adopting more of JB’s frame of mind have improved the outcome? James Bond has no time for cheesy or insincere pick-up lines; he gets right to the point with sexually charged, honest, and witty conversation. This is how you can shift the tension to the person you are approaching. You set the terms by eloquently and respectfully explaining what you are looking for and what you are offering in return, leaving the decision about how to proceed in their court. The person hearing you speak this way is almost always taken aback; this is very unique, and unique is always good. Anything you can do to make someone have to think of an original response rather than a rehearsed reply to an over-used pickup line is not only going to make you more interesting to converse with, but also more memorable.
One last thing to keep in mind. James Bond is a fictional character, and the idea of trying to mimic his every characteristic is unrealistic. Additionally, Bond is a bit (okay, more than a bit) of a misogynistic prick sometimes, and I am in no way suggesting that is a positive trait. You can pick your own role model based on your own image of what makes a classy, honorable, and confident person. Some others that come to mind include: James Dean, JFK, Gandhi, Steve Mcqueen (actor), Mal (from ‘Firefly’), Jean-Luc Picard (or Patrick Stewart himself, he’s also pretty rad). The goal is not to try to be James Bond; the goal is to adopt characteristics that will allow you to be a unique, captivating, and authentic individual with everyone you meet.
