Make Your Words a Reflect of Your Actions

Actions speak louder than words. If you do the things you say, people respect your word, and they respect you based on your actions. This may seem like a no-brainer, but we are all guilty of ignoring this at times. Do you claim to “love the gym” in your dating profile when, realistically, you’re only there once a week? Or perhaps you are considered a flake by most of your friends and dates because you tend to cancel plans at the last minute or on a regular basis. 

I have certainly missed the opportunity to get to know someone because each time our plans approached, I was just too tired or lazy to go out. Eventually, saying “I really do want to meet you, I’m just…” no longer means anything. If I really wanted to meet them, I would have made better plans, or got more sleep the night before, or whatever; I would have been there. Jess Beaulieu from She Does the City explains it rather succintly in her recent article 

“If they say they want to see you, then they should ask to see you. If they say they want to meet your friends, then they should go with you to that party to meet your friends. If they like going down on you, then they should fucking GO DOWN ON YOU. Simple as that. If words aren’t put into action in relationships, they’re meaningless. It’s incredibly easy to make words at someone. It’s much harder to follow through with whatever you’re saying.”

Consider what a text message asking “Hey, how are you?” at 2 a.m. after weeks of no communication is actually saying to the person on the other end of the conversation. Someone who was actually interested in your wellbeing wouldn’t only inquire about it during witching hour. I know that when I send a text like that, I am not being genuine. Sure, I hope no horrible tragedy has befallen them since we last spoke, but mostly I am looking for company and wondering if they are too. I have certainly tried to be more bold and transparent when it comes to things like this; frankly, most people find that kind of honesty refreshing, and the confidence it implies is attractive. Part of this is being honest with yourself and others about how much time you have to devote to them. I have learned that if I really want those people in my life, I have to make more of an effort to show that I care about them.

Personally, I have a very hard time remembering to reach out to people who expect that from me. They take this to mean that I don't care, and I can understand why they would feel that way. So I have to take steps to remind myself to make that effort. The biggest thing was telling myself I would send someone a text or give someone a call the instant they popped into my head. I also make a point of surprising them once in a while with a flower at their door, a thoughtful voicemail, or showing up randomly for lunch. 

People who deserve respect are like a forest on a lake; the trees on the horizon are their words, and their actions are the mirrored trees stretching across the water. If you want to make authentic connections, people need to see that your words reflect your actions.